SoapBox Wisdom

A Needy People We Are

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:39:00 -0700

A Needy People We Are

Most of us search for love where there is none to be found (1 John 4:7~), and very often we expect the people that we love, to love us in return. And as we sit in our solitariety, we slowly come to understand that it is difficult to love ourselves, harder to love another, and presumably impossible to make anyone love us.

As I experienced this notion for myself, I was reminded about the life of Christ…Loving all, yet loved by no one (John 1:1-18). A man that came with opened arms and clearly kept them that way even unto the cross. Jesus loved us how Jesus deserved to be loved, and we treated Jesus how we deserved to be treated. And despite his perfection, unyielding devotion, and unbreakable love, the masses continue[d] to shout “No one loves me.”I once said this to God myself.

I also asked him why I had to endure the loss of loved ones. I received an unexpected response: “You loved [this person] more than you loved me…and you didn’t love [this person] very much. But I have always loved you.”

I received a powerful message that day: I do not love, I do not know how to love, nor do I know when I am being loved (Luke 22:34). Why? Because I do not practice love: A Love not fueled by emotion, a love without reason, without cause, without petition, without merit, without “me” involved. I did not know love, nor did I love myself.

But if it weren’t for the people that abandoned me, I wouldn’t have come to understand/know love. The Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself. But if I don’t know love (which is God: 1 John 4:8), how can I expect to love myself? And if I don’t love myself, how can I expect to love anyone else? Ultimately it is a vicious cycle of defeat, regret, and guilt.

When I love, I have attained love. Not the love of another, but the love that I seek. If I had been asking God to be rich, and God gives me the job to acquire wealth, I would not need to go to my neighbor and say, “give me money!” Love is the same. If I take on the job to love, I have acquired love, and will not need to go to my neighbor and say, “give me love!” (2 Peter 1:5-7).

-Eli Rodriguez (4/6/2011)

"Blessing can quickly become irrational expectations and painful letdowns if not balanced with the..."

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 20:24:07 -0700

“Blessing can quickly become irrational expectations and painful letdowns if not balanced with the art of humility.”

- Eli Rodriguez (2011)

A Word About Free Will

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 20:04:00 -0700

A Word About Free Will

I was once introduced to the following question, “how does [a] man truly have free will if [he is] expected and/[or] destined to sin?” That question draws from huge assumptions, and are primarily based on what’s called an “equivocation fallacy” (a very complicated term, made extremely simple). Free will means many different things for many different people. “Why it is so important?” begs the question: What does it mean to me?

About Free Will:

You must understand that “free will” in America is closely related to the freedom. And within the United State, it is considered a “god-term”, a God given right or ability. However, in other parts of the world, those words mean: to not be forced, oppressed or imprisoned. And in other countries, it is an undesirable trait. In that sense, to understand free will, we must first remove the American Dream-like definition. Only then will we better understand what free will can mean for us (in Christianity).

Free will for an infant is not the same thing as it is for a twenty year old, or even an eighty year old, nor does it have as much significance through out our lives. We must understand that free will is based in the context of our lives, as well as in specific situations. Just because I cannot teleport or breathe on another planet doesn’t necessarily mean I am a slave to physics or to my dependency on oxygen; those limitations do not guide, nor determine all my actions in everyday life. For another example, freedom of speech does not grant the absolute right/safety of its speaker. It is simply a principle that we live by in the context of being an American. If I shouted bomb on a plane, or shouted a racial slur in public, that doesn’t mean that I get a free pass to say whatever I want without consequence. I can still be arrested or still be beaten up. So free will is a matter of choice and principle, rather than ability.

In the context of Christianity, “true free will” is defined very specifically. Every human being has the choice to love God or hate God, the choice to follow God, or to abandon God, to serve him, or to neglect him. And although God may have the absolute power to force us to do anything, God does not interfere with our decision. If man truly was promised free will, it is within this context alone. –And sin has never been a deciding factor. Please refer to these verses:

Deuteronomy 30:19 - “I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.”

Joshua 24:15 - “And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

John 8:12 - When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. *(Jesus appeals to better judgment, rather than forcing people by force)

About Sin:

When speaking about sin, we must first understand what exactly “sin” is. Is sin self-indulgence? Is it saying bad words, or having bad thoughts? Surely we are all guilty of those actions. In the context of true Christian practice, sin is the rebellion or a transgression against the law of God. Sin is not as black and white as saying “All restraint is good, and all indulgence is bad”. The “ law” was given to man for his benefit, and with it, the purest of intentions in mind. Refer to these verses:

1 John 3:4 - Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness.

Romans 7:12-14 - So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13 Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful. 14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.

Think of it like this, how can gossip be so influential? Words don’t hurt anyone, it doesn’t physically change anything; it can easily be ignored, and ultimately most of it is unfounded. But gossip, which is essentially noises placed together in a particulate way to make words, to build sentences, and eventually create meaning to those savvy enough to understand them, can do so much damage. Only a few words (true or untrue) have the power to destroy families, ruin reputations, cause depression, build resentment, lead to suicide, and be the cause of murder. But many people love to hear gossip, tell gossip, or be apart of gossip. Even people that don’t gossip can eventually find themselves in the middle of it. It’s not necessarily an “expectation”; it is just a reality of social interaction. Such is all sin.

It is not just in the act of sin, it is in the destructive properties of sin where the true terror lies. Most people would be perfectly happy to never be the subject of gossip or harassment. But is that to say that all people that don’t want anything to do with harassment or gossip should cease from speaking or interacting? No. The best course of action is to avoid saying certain things, refrain from certain relationship, and be careful of what one does or says. There is not much difference from the person abstaining from gossip, and the person abstaining from sin. Each makes certain choices in their lives in order to live a more peaceful, productive, and fulfilling life. That is not to say that these decisions are easy, or do not require tremendous amounts of discipline and sacrifice.

A good example of this can be illustrated from driving a car. Millions of people everyday drive cars, and continue to so regardless of a vehicle’s cost/sacrifice (purchase, gas, insurance, etc), and risk (damage, injury, death, etc). To drive safely; a person must show tremendous amounts of patience and self-discipline, and may also have to give up a lot of time to learn how to do everything correctly. And some actions that are normally “legal” to do, are not necessarily safe for all occasion, it may require a driver’s best judgment based on a particular situation. But no matter how careful a driver is, no one is exempt from a traffic ticket or an accident.

As such, no one is exempt from sin, and no one is perfect:

Romans 3:23 – for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

But that doesn’t mean, despite our obvious limitation, that we are slaves to our sin; they do not guide us, nor determine all our actions. They do not rule over us, nor do they control our every move.

Romans 8:2 – because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death

The problem with the original question is the emphasis and priority given to things that simply do not matter in the context of a Christian life. Free will is given to me where I need it most, and it is faulty to me where it serves me least. As a child, dependence on others is survival, and freedom is the hazard. As a young adult, free will is making tough decisions and living with its consequences. And as an elderly man, free will is what strength one has to carry on. But in each case, free will does not determine the outcome of our lives. It is the decisions we make, and not the limitations we have, that truly shape a person’s character. Every Christian has the right to proclaim: I have made my choice and regardless of my limitations, I will succeed. I have decided where I will go and despite where I was destined to be, I will fight. I will shed myself from what is free will, and embrace what is God’s will. Amen.

-eli rodriguez

"I believe that true strength is not a measure of will-power, but the measure of dependance on a..."

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 18:30:05 -0700

“I believe that true strength is not a measure of will-power, but the measure of dependance on a higher power.”

- Eli Rodriguez (2011), Reference Philippians 4:14

My Great Divorce

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 18:21:00 -0700

Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” - C. S. Lewis

This short story was inspired by God, my own personal life, and the novel by C.S. Lewis with the same title.

My Great divorce

I fell in love with a selfish monster…And that monster was me. I fell in love with my failures, my brokenness, my weakness, and my cruelty. With a crooked smile, I justified my love by saying “At least I can be charming”.

Since I loved myself unconditionally, I called it true love. And for a moment, I thought I was happy. I would look at myself in the mirror, into my eyes, and I would see perfection-despite my obvious flaws. I would tell myself everyday that no one could ever love me more than me…and I was right. I would romance myself with the idea of giving myself everything I ever wanted. I would fantasize about being in my own personal paradise with only me to love. I figured “if everyone would leave me, I would still have myself”. And at that time, that’s all I needed.

Once everyone did leave me; I was alone and I had to live with myself. But in the dark rooms and wide hallways that I built, I couldn’t do anything for myself. I came to the realization that I couldn’t embrace myself, and I couldn’t hold myself and say for certain that everything was going to be all right. Suddenly I couldn’t live with myself any more. It seemed that my love wasn’t good enough for me. I did try to work it out, but I was just too angry to talk to myself. I said, “do you still love me?” but my own silence spoke louder than words…I didn’t love me anymore. I knew I had to leave myself for my selfishness. It hurt, but I had to go. I divorced me because I cheated on myself with my own broken dreams and ideologies. Now I was really alone.

For days I would pace around in the clouds until my own silence was deafening. I walked in circles for days, then months, then I don’t remember how long…I finally broke down and cried for what seemed like an eternity. With what little energy I had left, I screamed, “God…! Do you love me?!” and without giving God a chance to answer, I said “of course you don’t…How could you? a man like me? Never.” In the dark, I could hear nothing but my own bones break under the pressure of loneliness. There I was, broken in more pieces than I could ever count. I was in pain. I was suffering. I cried. I yelled…Sadly, I lied there for a thousand years, and a thousand life times. After a while, my eyes dried up from the tears long gone. Then my voice yet hoarse, then disappeared . Later, I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts. I just lied there in my brokenness.

After time slowly died with me, I heard the distant echoes of laughter and celebration. Suddenly my hearing became so acute that I could hear the sound of someone smile. My mind began to flutter, along with my heart. “Finally, hope at last!” I thought to myself. I tried to scream, I tried to yell, but I couldn’t make a sound. I took a deep breath, but I only had the strength to whisper a few words, “God…are you there?” after a while I wanted to answer myself again, but this time I had no choice but to wait for God’s answer because I didn’t have the strength to say another word…

I only waited a minute before I heard the voice of God saying, “I’ve always been with you, my son. and I’ve been here all along, right behind you.” I turned around without realizing that I had been fully restored and said,

“…I failed you God”.
“How did you fail me, my son?” he asked as if already knowing the answer.
“I always knew you were behind me, I just didn’t want to look back. I was afraid.”
“You didn’t fail me, my Son…You failed yourself. And I can tell you the very moment you did so.”

I didn’t want to know. I was too afraid to know. I was the root of all this pain, all this hurt and loneliness. How could I forgive myself? How could I ever love myself? But than again, I never really did…

“Please tell me Father. I’m ready to know.” I said
“Your entire life before that moment, you walked behind me, facing my back-a privilege only mosses had before. For a long time you followed me, and you would listen to every word I said. But one day, you stopped walking. So I stopped with you. You turned around and you gave me your back. You wondered around blindly, and I followed you to make sure no serious harm would befall you. After awhile you stopped wondering. Then, you fell down in the very spot you are standing now. We’ve been waiting here ever since…I tried talking to you, but you wouldn’t listen. You would only talk to yourself.”

I couldn’t help but cry while God spoke to me. With each word that filled me, I felt strength and love enter my body. I had forgotten how God’s words could both break a man and give him strength.

“Father, speak and I will listen now. I beg you, tell me what I need to do, and I will do it! I have stared off into the darkness for far too long in search for who I was, only to realize I was nothing. How God can I become the man that you want me to be?

He’s reply was,
“It’s simple. Don’t walk behind me anymore. Get the courage to walk beside me. Hold my hand and I will walk you through life. There will be times when you will get tired. and your legs will give out. and sometimes I will have to drag you through the mud, and muck until you get the strength to stand on you own two feet, and be able to walk with me again. But I promise, I will never let you go, and I will always keep you moving with me.”

It seemed so easy…because it was. All I had to do is let God get a hold of me, and let him take me where I need to go. But there was still something I still something had to ask…

“God…do you love me?”

I waited for a moment…

“My son, I love you unconditionally and I called it true love. I will make you happy forever. Look into my eyes, and you will se perfection. I will show you everyday that no one could ever love you more than me. I will never leave you. I will even give you some one else to walk beside us, and together you will give each other additional strength and love. I have already chosen this person for and she walks among us. Through the good times and the hard times, I will embrace and I will assure you that everything will be all right. I will romance you and I will give you everything you will ever need until the day you get to my personal paradise. There, you will never have to worry, nor shed another tear of pain.
“When do we get there, my Lord?” I asked

With a smile he said,

“We’re almost there…Just keep on walking.”

-The end-
by Eli Rodriguez on Friday, January 2, 2009 at 10:27pm

...Disappointment, strife, and job postings.

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 18:13:00 -0700

Disappointment, Strife, And Job Postings

My heart goes out to the forcefully unemployed. It is difficult to endure such hardships; financially, emotionally, and psychologically. I can only imagine what sacrifices had to be made for families to survive, and for some people just to “keep it together”. ‘Our daily bread’ is not only a blessing, but for some, a daily struggle.

It brings tears to my eyes to think that such difficulties are overlooked and yet so many complain about their employment…the plight of the husband trying to make ends meat, the mother trying to feed her children, the student trying to educate themselves for a better future…people trying to find happiness and meaning amongst disappointment, strife, and job postings.

Those of us that are employed, we should continue to feel grateful. Many of us didn’t keep our jobs because we were the best. Some of us just found grace.

Today I thank God for work, no matter how stressful or frustrating. I am more than blessed to say ‘I have a job’, because I know there are thousands of people out there (perhaps better than I) that would love the opportunity. May they find peace in their families, friends, and in God…I pray that they find whatever it is they are looking for. Amen.

by Eli Rodriguez on Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 9:41pm

A Humble Life.

Thu, 07 Apr 2011 12:12:00 -0700

A Humble Life

I am so happy where God placed me in life. Lord knows I couldn’t have been wealthier, wiser, smarter, or more privileged without forgetting my God or my calling. He brought me into a life with enough weakness and struggle so that I would undoubtedly humble myself accordingly…so I can understand and recognize that I am blessed far beyond my means and resources. To understand I am a broken and selfish man with or without possession or material good.

Not too many people get the deliberate opportunity to see one’s life as it is, and how it should be. I am exactly where I need be. I always have been. I am grateful to an amazing God, my beautiful wife, my gracious family, and my terrific friends and employers…

…I am humbled, and for that I am thankful.

(2 Corinthians 12:1-10)

- Eli rodriguez (2010)

"Let us strive to love, to know how to love, and to know when we are loved. A Love not fueled by..."

Thu, 07 Apr 2011 00:16:00 -0700

“Let us strive to love, to know how to love, and to know when we are loved. A Love not fueled by emotion, a love without reason, without cause, without petition, without merit, without “Me” involved. Let us find our value in Loving…”

- Eli Rodriguez (2011)